No show
You may have noticed that it has been a long time since Anita has posted to the website. She has been through a period of horrific depression and I think she has had no drive to do anything. Over the last few days she has shown signs of becoming a little brighter after this difficult period. Hopefully the cycle of depression that we have seen has now come to an up state. I think what we are dealing with is a huge reactive depression. No matter what improvements can be made, at some point she has to accept the way she is. So far she has been totally unable to accept any of the changes she has to deal with. She is a strong individual who treasures her independence, so there is still a long way to go. She only really shows positivity after some improvements to her physical state have been demonstrated.
Some of the things that make Anita special are now making things very difficult. It has been the mental side of dealing with her in this state that has caused me alot of anguish. The constant conversations I have had with her recently are starting to take there toll on my own mental health. There has been the odd occassion recently when frustration has led to me shouting out my frustrations. On these occassions I am not the best person to be looking after Anita. The more I was drawn in to her own depression, and the more I discussed it with her, the more I have started to feel ill. From a selfish point of view I have to try to do things that keep me holding everything together. It’s hard for anyone to understand just how much all of this can affect you unless you have been through it. It’s like building blocks of bad stuff that started with her time in hospital and those blocks continue to be built upon and eventually could topple.