Intensive care (day 10) New Years Eve
Now Anita has her own room she sleeps in so I get to see Barrow in the light, unfortunately it is a grey wet morning, the sea and industry reflect the weather. I still find it more suitable than Cambridge. I suddenly realise how much I have missed the sea and I need to get down there at some point.
I didn’t sleep well, a swig from a christmas present didn’t help. Last night was hard, Anita still appears very droswy and she has started talking alot although it is slow. Of course she is very emotional but it hurts to see her in a confused state, like an old woman, drooling heavily. Harsh words I know but there are things that hurt even more. Some I prefer not to write about but even that I know she is bound to be confused, given what has happened, it still raises the spectere of the damage done. What we are going through feels like before but with someone pressing the fast falward button.
Last night I felt that we both feel so utterly alone but the position Anita is in goes alot further than being alienated. She must be at the back end of beyond. She was always such a wonderful person who gave to charity but more important, herself to others. She was exceptionally tough and intelligent but sensitive. I cannot help believing if the roles where reversed she would do anything to help me. She has told me many times that Anita is dead. She is watching the hitchcock film Rebecca, not the most suitable choice.
They have taken many lines from her and will take out her central line today. There is no monitoring needed and the more lines you have the more risk of infection. She would love a cup of tea but it’s going to be a frustratingly long wait before her swollow gets tested again. All the blood tests are showing improvement. If they can find her a bed she is ready to be moved to a ward but it may take time now she has MRSA.