Yin yang, relationship, bang
In the past I would always have been able to help Anita and she would help me. There was always a nice balancing act, when one was down the other was up. We always realised we are separate souls with our own mission to fulfill and we didn’t need each other to justify our existence. Now we have our own battles to fight and we have never felt as solitary as we do now. We have been cast in our roles of carer and cared for; these are not just ill fitting suits but perfect incarnations of what we hate most. Maybe it would have been easier if it was the other way around but that’s not the point, is it?
I feel my own difficulties are only a mere scratch compared to Anita’s but I can only express my own thoughts, I am sure there are lots of people with similar difficulties who will understand them. I remember back in the rehab hospital, it was pointed out to me with future support I would be able to have a relationship with Anita that wasn’t about being a carer. Let me make this absolutely clear, in these situations you are going to be a carer for life unless you leave someone. I guessed that then, and I certainly know it now. The yin yang of a relationship will undergo a seismic shift, no matter how much you love someone your relationship will change forever, you will be carer and cared for, whether you like it or not.
One of the nasty things that happens when you are forced to become a carer is that it can actually set you against the person you are caring for, the person you love most. If you want things to be easier for yourself it often seems you have to take from them. It feels like the most honorable thing to do would be to surrender your life and care for them completely because you love them so much. The most likely option is you come to an arrangement of give and take. It’s a horrible arrangement however if you have previously had a close and complementary relationship. The survival instinct divides you into your two separate roles, causing potential alienation.